The World I Wish
by hey-duckie
Summary: It's every girl's dream to go to Hogwarts, so when Leanne falls asleep in her bed in London a regular girl and wakes up in Hogwarts told she is a witch, the experience seems unreal. However, when she meets Harry himself and realises the value of her knowledge of his future, she finds herself in a situation far more serious than she ever could have dreamt.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Best read on 1/2 width**

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**Chapter One**

On a mild early autumn night I flicked through an old photo album whilst sitting alone in my bedroom. My room was lit only by the soft yellow glow of my bedside lamp and the little splashes of light from the fairy lights that bordered my windows.

I came across a photo of myself when I was 11, wearing makeshift Hogwarts robes and beaming as I held a wooden chopstick in one hand and pointed to the faint, messy lightning scar I had drawn on my forehead with a red ballpoint pen. I smiled at the picture and lingered on that page before moving on.

The Harry Potter books and films had always been an important part of my life. I wouldn't say they had exactly shaped me as a person, but they had certainly added to the person I am today. I spent so many years wishing I was at Hogwarts, re-reading the books just so that I could spend more time immersed in that world. But whenever I put down the books or paused the films, I was immediately dragged back into reality and the bleak truths of my existence. And though I could try to re-create that world in my daydreams or in all my poorly-written fan-fics with an own-character protagonist based on myself, it was never the reality that I so desperately wished it would be.

* * *

The next morning I awoke in a tangle of white sheets. I thrashed about and tried in vain to break free of the maze of Egyptian cotton. When finally I found an escape and popped my head out of the covers I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings. I was in a circular room furnished with ornately carved wooden chests, four four-poster beds with blue and bronze hangings draped over them. The walls and floors looked as though they were made of stone and the slight coldness of the air made that seem very likely.

It would take a fool not to recognise the room. It looked like a Ravenclaw dormitory; I would have said that it was in fact a Ravenclaw dormitory if it weren't for the fact that that was totally implausible. I thought I was dreaming, but the shocking vividness of it all made it apparent that I was not. My mind was reeling as I tried to think up an explanation for my situation that wasn't entirely nonsensical, but I was searching where there evidently were none.

I may not have been dreaming, but it certainly was my dream, and I had no idea what to make of it.

The problem with dreams in my opinion, you see, is that there is always the knowledge that they are just that. You always know that what you wish will never come to be. That's why you don't mind if you imagine yourself in terrible pain, because it means the attractive male character that you're always fantasising about will hold you in his arms and tells you how much you mean to him. So if you were to find your dreams ever became a reality, I suspect the excitement and joy would be short-lived.

I was snapped out of my state of panic, confusion, awe, excitement, fear and any other feeling you could possibly imagine, by the slow creaking of a door being opened. I swivelled my head round to find the source of the noise. A girl with long, frizzy, shadow black hair stood in the doorway. "Get up, Lea." The girl grumbled, leaning her head against the doorway in her clearly half-asleep state.

I felt a very sudden dizziness and thought for a moment that I was going to faint, in fact I was rather hoping that I would. Unfortunately I was given no such pleasure. I was unsure as to what I should do; I'd never really given much thought to the procedure of waking up in a fantasy world that you doubt is even real. I wondered whether I should play along, express my confusion and explain my situation, or panic and act rashly. Thankfully my body chose for me. I felt even dizzier and incredibly light-headed. My breathing became very quick as I took short, shallow breaths. Though I always liked to pride myself on being a very calm and composed person, I couldn't keep it up in that situation, as I usually maintained that demeanour through my very clear sense of reality. I couldn't speak, move and I could barely breathe. The girl from the doorway rushed toward me, snapping into full consciousness immediately when she saw my state. She sat by me and placed a golden brown hand upon my forehead. "Oh my god," she whispered under her breath. "Crap, what do I do? Lea? Lea!"

When I was unable to respond physically or verbally, the girl started looking around her, as though she could find something or someone of use. "Hey, someone get in here!" she called. After a few moments a couple of girls ran in.

"What's going on?" one of them asked.

"Something's wrong with Lea; go and get a teacher."

"Is she okay, what's-"

"Don't ask stupid questions and go and get a bloody teacher." The girl by my bedside snapped, remaining by my side.

After that everything seemed to sort of blur, and the details of my memory of what transpired are very vague and possibly inaccurate. I believe at one point I finally fainted and when I regained consciousness I was in the Hogwarts hospital wing. I felt dazed and confused, but I finally felt calm. It was a strange feeling, it was like I had simply accepted the madness, accepted that there was nothing I could do.

I lay there for a few minutes listening to the sound of birds and my own deep breaths. I felt hot tears cascade down my face, but I did not feel sad. I felt so tranquil but also sort of numb. I was crying because I didn't know what to do, because I felt hopeless. It's difficult to describe the feeling to someone who's never felt it, but it was like nothing mattered, like I didn't care because I was lost and confused and alone and I knew that there was _nothing I could do_. I would never wish such a feeling on _anyone_.

My moment of despair was interrupted by Madam Pomfrey bustling over to my bed with a glass of water. "Here." She handed it to me and I took it from her, taking a sip, my face blank and emotionless. "I wish there were something I could give you, but I haven't the faintest idea what caused you to lose consciousness."

I made no attempt at a reply and simply continued to take small sips of water. Madam Pomfrey must have sensed that I was not going to talk and walked away, yet again leaving me to my own thoughts. I sat there and daydreamed, creating a world in my head, a world that felt unreachable. For the first time in my life, I dreamt that I was home.

* * *

Later in the day, around 10:30, Madam Pomfrey came back to check on me. I suppose she had forgotten about me since I had been sitting there holding my empty glass not moving a muscle for the last hour. I think it's safe to say that the ordeal had temporarily broken me. I was frozen like a computer with 34 tabs open at once.

"How do you feel, Miss Carver?" she asked, looking directly at my eyes which were not focused on her at all, but rather staring off into space. I snapped out of my paralysis and looked up at her.

"Physically I feel perfectly fine. But mentally I'm not so sure."

"How so?"

"Well for starters I'm either entirely insane and having incredibly vivid hallucinations, or, and this theory is less likely, I'm stuck in a world that is not my own with no memory of my life in this world until this point." I stated with a plain and steady voice.

Madam Pomfrey's head tilted and she furrowed her brow. "Hallucinations?"

"Well Hogwarts isn't actually real," I said as though it were obvious. From her facial expression I could tell that Madam Pomfrey didn't think as much. "And yet here I am. You can't really blame me for coming to the conclusion that I'm hallucinating."

"Oh dear…" Madam Pomfrey studied my blank face intently with a worried expression. She scuttled off without another word and I simply sat there, still.  
As I sat there and thoughts swirled around in my mind, I felt a sudden tinge of emotion. I exhaled in an involuntary sigh. After that the floodgates broke and my emotions poured back into my conscious mind. My body slumped over and tears gushed out of my eyes like blood from a fresh wound; in an endless flood. I let out several whimpers of the sadness I couldn't contain. After a good three minutes of non-stop crying, the tears ceased. I wrapped my arms around myself and took several deep, steady breaths.

At that moment Madam Pomfrey returned with Professor McGonagall by her side. They stood by bedside at first simply observing me like a specimen until McGonagall spoke. "Miss Carver, do you know your name; your full name?"

"Leanne Michelle Carver." I stated calmly between my pitiful sniffles.

"And your age?"

"I'm 15."

"Good," Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey exchanged looks. "And your parents' names?"

"Amelia and Jeremy Carver," I said, wiping the few remaining tears away with my hand. "Look, I know all that. The only part that is confusing to me is how I got from my bed in London to Hogwarts, a fictional wizarding school in Scotland, overnight. I'm a normal girl, or a muggle to you, and I always have been. Hogwarts is a story, a book, fiction. I can't be here because there is no here. I'm crazy and living in a dream. Just wake me up because this isn't funny."

"You _are_ awake, Miss Carver." McGonagall said looking at me with the same worried look that Madam Pomfrey had had.

"I'm not!" I began to raise my voice. "That's impossible! This isn't real so it doesn't matter what I do anyway, does it?"

"Miss Carver, please calm down!" Professor McGonagall raised her voice to match my increased volume.

"NO!" I shrieked. I got out of bed and stormed out of the hospital wing and through the empty corridors. Surprisingly neither McGonagall nor Madam Pomfrey made an attempt to follow me. I was wearing only a short night dress and my chestnut hair was tangled and completely wild with strands flying off in various directions. I heard shuffling in the classrooms I was walking past and the scraping of chairs of the smooth stone floors. I stopped for a moment and listened. I heard footsteps moving towards doors. The door to the classroom nearest to me flew open and students poured out, looking at me with strange contorted expressions of confusion and contempt. Realising the attention I was attracting due to my outfit, I ran from the crowds of students, searching desperately for a place to hide. I turned corners to dodge crowds of students. At last I found a shadowy corner to hide in to catch my breath. I leant against the wall and panted. My feet were sore from the bare-foot running I had been doing. I groaned a little in my frustration at everything. I took a small moment to collect my thoughts; _why am I running from the students, what does it matter if they see me, none of them are real _I thought. But the moment I thought that my mind was plagued with a tiny idea. An idea that lingered in the back of my mind as a constant doubt; _maybe this _is _real._

Before I had time to delve into the baffling concept of 'reality', I heard solitary footsteps. The crowds had all thinned out, but there was still someone left. I backed further into the shadows to avoid being spotted, but then I felt a tickle in my throat. _Crap, no!_ I couldn't contain my spontaneous coughing fit. The footsteps ceased for a moment and then they continued in a new direction; towards me. I pressed my back into the wall in a futile attempt to disappear into it. As the person moved into the shadows and their eyes adjusted to the low light levels, they saw my outline. "Hey, what are you doing lurking in the shadows?"  
I remained silent, foolishly hoping that they would leave thinking that they were just imagining things. Unfortunately I was the only one having insane hallucinations at the time.

"Are you just gunna be silent?"

I sighed. "I'm not lurking, go away!"

"You're standing in a shady corner, I'm pretty sure that's the definition of lurking." The person's voice was male and had an air of constant calm to it.

"Could you not talk so loudly!" I hissed.

"Why, who are you hiding from?"

I saw Professor McGonagall pass by in the light of the main corridor. I put my hand over the boy's mouth while she walked past. I moved my hand back when her footsteps faded away.

"Why are you hiding from McGonagall? Did you not do your homework?"

"Why are you standing in a shady corner talking to me? The world is full of unanswered questions!" my sarcasm seeped through my panic as I spoke.

"I was just asking," the boy said, seeming a little offended. "I'll just go then."

The boy began to walk away, but my jaw dropped as he entered the light and he became more clearly visible. "Hey wait!" I yelled after the boy with the messy black hair.

He turned around and the light shone into his green eyes through his circular spectacles. Speechless, I walked towards him, entering the area of light, forgetting my embarrassing attire. I simply stared at him, wanting to reach out and touch him out of fascination.

"Are you wearing a nightie?"

I looked down at the pale pink cotton night dress with images of rubber ducks dotted around the fabric. "Yes," I said, surprisingly calm. "Yes I am wearing a nightie."

"I have to get to my next class, but it was nice meeting you- uhh, nightie-girl."

"It's Lea."

"Okay, by Lea, maybe I'll see you around, when you're not wearing a nightie." Harry said, awkwardly backing away.

"Pardon?"

"I meant you'll be wearing other clothes!" he chuckled nervously before waving and speed-walking away from me.

I stood there, totally stupefied. In that moment I no longer cared whether it was real because I had just met Harry Potter.

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**A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback ^.^ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After my meeting with the one and only Harry Potter I had calmed down and made the decision to return to the hospital wing. Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore were waiting there with Madam Pomfrey. I stopped in the doorway as I spotted them.

"I suspected you'd soon return." Dumbledore said, his voice carrying his serenity through the stale air. I had no reply, and so I simply stood there, uneasy, waiting for him to continue. Dumbledore turned to his colleagues and requested that they leave. When they had done so, Dumbledore sat down on the nearest bed and gestured for me to sit on the adjacent bed. I did so and he began to speak. "Madam Pomfrey believe's you've lost your mind."

"So do I." I sighed, a tinge of nervousness in my voice.

"I don't think as much," he reassured me, giving a faint smile to ease my nerves. "I believe that a lot more is possible than you or I can even imagine."

"So what do you think has happened to me?"

"That's difficult to say, but you mustn't dismiss whatever it is simply because it seems implausible."

"What, so you think I've really moved into a different world?" I inquired, intrigued.

"Perhaps," he replied softly. "Or perhaps not. But either way, what good will knowing the answer serve? It is in your best interests, to move forward. It doesn't matter if you are on a different path now as long as you keep moving forward."

"How? I don't know anything of this place, I'm not a real witch."

"I think," Dumbledore stood and looked down at me. "You know everything you need to know, you just don't know that you know it."

I looked at the floor for a moment assessing the situation in its entirety. So I was stuck in Hogwarts in the middle of a life I didn't know.

"Professor Dumbledore," I said after a few moments of contemplation. "Can I ask you one question?"

"Of course."

"Is this- Are we in the 90s?"

"Ah, you see Miss Carver, you already know everything you need to know." Dumbledore remarked before departing, leaving me sitting alone in the hospital wing. I thought about what he had said, and I supposed he was right. I had known who had been speaking to me, I wasn't entirely ignorant. Though this world seemed new to me, it was at the same time very familiar. After a few minutes of turning things over in my head, I came to the realisation that even if there was nothing I could do to get home, that didn't mean there was nothing I could do. It's like rollercoasters; when it first starts you're terrified, you want to get off and run even though you can't, and when you get to that peak you know that this is it, the moment before the fall, and you can either shut your eyes and wait for it to be over, or you can scream and laugh and enjoy it, because this is what you wanted, what you got on the ride for, and it would be a waste not to savour the moment; if I was stuck in Hogwarts, would I not be a fool to waste away in this hospital wing? Should I not get out there, learn how to be the witch I'd always wanted to be?

I stood up and stood tall in my duckie-nightie. Madam Pomfrey returned and saw me standing there and looked a little alarmed. "Madam Pomfrey," I said with a new found confidence. "I'm going to get dressed, and then I'm going to go to class." Madam Pomfrey looked at me with slightly widened eyes, but remained silent. "Where is my dormitory?"

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After putting on my Ravenclaw uniform I took a moment in my dormitory to take everything in. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling, hoping for some recognition. When I found no memory of the room I had supposedly spent the previous five years in, I sat up, a little deflated.

Before I had left the hospital wing I had found a class timetable and a map of the school left on the table beside the bed Dumbledore had sat on. I looked at them as I sat in my dorm. The conveniently placed calendar with past days crossed off told me that it was a Thursday and I had Herbology. After putting on my shoes I followed the corridors as displayed on the map until I found the greenhouses. I walked in and the entire class turned to look at me. I smiled awkwardly and stood beside the boy nearest to the door, in front of what looked like a carnivorous plant. "You're very late." Professor Sprout snapped.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I was in the hospital wing, I wasn't feeling too well."

The professor gave me a dirty look and continued speaking to the class while I stood there, baffled by Sprout's reaction to me. I had no idea what kind of student I was before, but if my academic life in the real world was anything to go by, I didn't have high hopes of any of the teachers liking me very much. I stood there and listened to Professor Sprout talked about the fanged geranium and the importance of knowledge of this plant for our O. , but my mind processed none of it and I spent most of the lesson standing there feeling completely out of my depth. When the time came for the practical part of the lesson I found that (thankfully) there were not enough plants for me to have my own. Instead, I watched as the brunette Gryffindor boy beside me did all the work, harvesting one of the plant's fangs.

After the class was over I left the greenhouse and stood aimlessly outside, not sure what to do with my lunch break. Harry Potter, whom I had met earlier, walked out of the greenhouse with Ron and Hermione. He spotted me standing there and did a double take. He walked over to me. "Nightie-girl! You got dressed!"

I laughed awkwardly. "Yeah."

"Why were you in a nightie again?"

"I never actually said. It's a long story anyway, not even a very interesting one."

"You look lost." Harry tilted his head and studied my face.

"Well-" I considered lying and telling him that I was fine, but I didn't see much point in that, I knew I would only regret it later. "I _am_ sort of lost. To be honest I had a sort of episode this morning, and I don't remember much."

Harry looked a bit taken aback. I suspect he'd been expecting a more regular answer. "Sounds like an eventful morning."

"Yeah," I sighed. "You could call it that."

"Well, are you okay now?"

Again I considered lying, and again I decided against it. "Not really. I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't even know who my friends are."

Harry looked at me strangely, he looked out of his depth, like he didn't really know what to say or do. _I should have lied._

"I guess, until you remember, you can be friends with me."

My eyes widened. It didn't feel real; what he said was too perfect that I couldn't be. It was my dream to go to Hogwarts, it was my dream to be friends with Harry Potter, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Thanks, Harry." I said slowly, my mind still processing what had just happened.

"Hey, you remembered my name! That's progress!" he smiled, sending tingles down my spine.

I wished it was progress. I wished progress was even possible.

Ron and Hermione had left whilst Harry was speaking to me, so Harry and I walked to the great hall for lunch. "So, Leanne, where are you from?" Harry made casual conversation as we walked.

"I live in London." I replied, not having much else to say.

"I live in Surrey."

"I know." I said instinctively. Harry looked at me with a puzzled look. "I don't actually know, force of habit you know."

"I'm not really that hungry, I may not bother with lunch today." Harry looked at the ground as he spoke and looked back up at me, his eyes looked sad even though he was smiling. He looked different than he did in the films. Everyone did, some more so than others. His hair was longer than it had been in the fifth film, it was more alike to the description in the book; a bit like it was in the third film. And of course his eyes were greener, a sort of natural, earthy yet rich green, almost like there was a whole eden behind his eyes.

"I'm not either. Even if I were, I don't think I could eat a thing." I smiled sympathetically. I looked at him as we walked. I felt a gaping gap in stomach and it ached, not for food, but because I looked at Harry and knew everything about his past, and more importantly, his future. Though he never said so, I suspect that he didn't want any lunch for the same reason as me; his stomach was full of the painful thoughts that spilled over from his mind.

"If you want I could just keep you company this lunch, you know, if you want." Harry looked into my dull, grey eyes like he was searching for something, but he soon looked down. My eyes aren't full of mystery like his; they're just empty and disappointing.

"I don't want to keep you from your friends, I'll manage by myself." I shrugged.

"No, it's fine, I'm offering, I just don't want to-" he stopped and looked up at the black silhouettes of birds passing over in the white and blue sky for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. "I don't want to sound weird, but you remind me of myself a bit."  
I hid my surprise and simply tilted my head and asked "How so?"

"You seem- okay don't take this the wrong way, but you seem kind of out of place. You seem so in awe of everything, but at the same time very wary and little bit, out of it. It's like you're walking through a dream, or a nightmare- I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, but it reminds me of when I was in primary school; I never quite fit in there, it always felt wrong, like I was meant to be somewhere else and no matter how hard I tried to belong there I never quite-" he stopped mid-sentence, seeming unable to find the right words to finish it.

"Well you pretty much summed me up." I said, trying desperately to mask the sorrow in my voice as I longed for home.

"But maybe if I help you find your friends you'll feel like you belong here again, right?"

"Maybe," I sighed as a breeze swept my hair back. "Thanks for helping me, Harry, I really appreciate it."

"It's okay. Although in honesty I think I really just needed to get away from everything, you know?"

"Believe me, I know." I said. Because I really did know everything he was going through and everything that he would go through, and I could understand why anyone in his position would just want to take a moment to focus on something else, even if it is a crazy girl in a nightie.

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**A/N: As always reviews are appreciated, as are follows and favourites. Thanks to those who have already done so and you can expect chapter 3 in a** **couple of days. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Message for returning readers: Best read on 1/2 width**

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**Chapter 3**

I walked around the grounds with Harry, mostly in silence, though it wasn't awkward. I took in the beautiful surrounds; birds gliding gracefully through the air, wind blowing leaves through the mild autumn air. I stopped as we faced the black lake and let the wind sweep my air all around. In spite of everything, standing there letting the wind ravage me I felt free. My mind emptied of all my worries and I finally felt some clarity. My eyes scanned the landscape as I took in fresh, cool air in each of my breaths. Clouds passed over the sun and the landscape became more saturated; overwhelmed with dull, grey tones.

The wind picked up and whipped my face. I turned away from the lake and looked back at Harry, who was leaning against a tree staring into the sky. He saw me looking at him and smiled, but as he did so my line of sight drifted to the three girls approaching us with large, confident strides. Harry followed my gaze and watched the girls walk towards us. As they drew closer I recognised one girl as the one from my dormitory.

In my eagerness to escape my situation, I panicked and stumbled backwards, tripping over a rock behind me. I felt onto my back and my head collided with the hard, wet stones. I groaned in pain. Harry rushed over and extended a hand to help me to my feet, but the girl from my dormitory pushed him aside and picked me up.

"Lea we've been looking everywhere for you, what are you doing here?" the girl barked at me.

"I-"

"Hey, calm down!" Harry butted in.

"What are _you_ doing here? Where's your ginger friend and that girl?" one of the other girls, a girl with a pale face and stunning blue eyes and long, thick black hair pouring down her back like a waterfall.

I stood there, silent, supported by the girl from my dormitory.

"I was just helping your friend out." He snapped back, stepping back, attempting to separate himself from the situation.

"Stop trying to get people to side with you, Potter, stop spreading your lies." The girl from my dormitory spat.

I pulled myself free of her hold and started after Harry as he turned to walk away, but the blue-eyed girl grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Leave it," she said, calmly but still with disdain in her voice. "Someone had to tell him."  
I turned to face them properly and looked them over. The two girls who had spoken stood directly in front of me, strong, confident and poised. The third girl stood a little more to the left and looked a little awkward in her stance. She had very neat black, straight hair with a full fringe which stopped just above her brown eyes. She smiled weakly at me, as a sort of silent apology on behalf of the other two. It was difficult not to take an instant liking to her, she had a kind face.

"Lea, are you okay?" the blue-eyed girl asked, genuinely concerned. "Elise told me what happened this morning." She was referring to the girl from my dormitory; Elise.

"We went to the hospital wing to look for you straight after herbology, but Madam Pomfrey told us that you had gone to herbology, but by then you could have been anywhere. Then Dean from Gryffindor told us that he saw you go off to the lake with Harry. We're so sorry, but seriously are you okay?" Elise rambled on, looking at me with such recognition while I looked back at her with eyes empty of memory of her.

"I don't remember anything. I don't even remember you." I stated simply, my voice bereft of emotion.

"That explains so much," the blue-eyed girl sighed, relieved. "But do you not even remember me?"

I shook my head.

"You don't remember your best friend Leila?" the blue-eyed girl sad in a sad mock baby voice.

I shook my head again.

"What about me? I'm Elise, do you remember that?"

I shook my head once again.

"I'm Aiko," the third girl finally spoke. "Sorry about your memory."

"It's okay, thanks Aiko." I said, smiling at the only person who had shown me any sympathy.

"About what just happened," Elise started awkwardly. "You may not remember, but we don't talk to Harry Potter."

"Why not?" I asked immediately, defensive of the character I had always favoured.

"Don't get me started," Elise scoffed. "He's a total attention seeker, him and his friends. They go around purposefully stirring up trouble for no other reason than for everyone to see them as heroes, especially Harry."

"Yeah," Leila continued. "And he surrounds himself with friends who suck up to him just to feed his massive ego."

"And this year he's taken it way too far," Elise said bitterly. "I mean saying that You-Know-Who's back? He killed so many people and he's using him as a ploy for attention? That's disgusting and in such poor taste. And he lied about how Cedric died. Cedric was a good friend of mine and Harry is using his death to conjure up stupid stories. Harry Potter in the most disgusting human being I have ever known and I just wish everyone else could see that and would stop swallowing his lies. It doesn't help that he has Dumbledore convinced either. You'd think Dumbledore would be smart enough to see the truth."

I felt a burning anger in the pit of my stomach and there was so much I wanted to shout at her.

_How could you be so stupid? How could you be so judgemental of someone who has never done anything but good? Someone who is responsible for stopping Voldemort more than once? And the worst thing about you is that when you find out at the end of this year that he was telling the truth, you and everyone like you will suddenly act like you were on his side all along. But you'll never apologise or admit you were wrong. You are a snivelling rat and your loyalty is fickle and worthless. And if you ever say anything like that about Harry Potter again I will skin you good and slow, muggle style, painful for you and sickly satisfying for me._

While there were a thousand words I wanted to say, I did not have the courage for even one of them to escape my lips. I looked up at Aiko, who had not spoken on the matter, my eyes hopeful, waiting for her, with the kind face, to speak up and defend him. The other two looked over at her expecting the opposite.

"I guess he's just trouble." She said quietly, as though the words filled her with shame.

Elise and Leila looked satisfied and turned back to me awaiting any sort of response.

"Thanks for the advice guys." I said, trying my hardest to sound genuine and mask my hatred and my urge to punch one of them in the stomach.

* * *

I woke up the following morning feeling defeated. After spending the afternoon's lessons with my supposed friends, my hatred for them had only grown. What kind of person had I been in this world where I could be friends with people like that? If I didn't know the story of Harry Potter, would I think the same as Elise and Leila; that Harry Potter was an attention seeker? Perhaps I would. So how many people in my own world had I unfairly judged? If I had read their stories, would my opinion be different? Perhaps sometimes the conclusions we make based on the evidence, no matter how compelling and convincing, are inaccurate because we can't read someone's story. A wash of guilt rushed over me as I thought of all the girls I had talked about behind their backs, judging them without ever asking them their stories.

"Wake up Lea!" Elise bounded over to my bed and pulled the covers down from my face allowing the light to hit my eyes, blinding.

_I hate you so much, Elise, you are a despicable human being._

"Morning." I grumbled.

"Are you excited for your first lesson with Professor Snape? You probably don't remember him, but he's _super-_hot and _so_ nice." Elise was attempting to mess with me, making a joke out of a horrible situation that she couldn't even hope to understand.

_What kind of person makes a joke out of someone's misery? Elise you're lucky I don't have a knife handy._

"Don't even try it, I know what Snape is really like." I said, my tone very serious; I was not going to encourage her by joining in on the joke.

"Alright grumpy-guts," Elise laughed, tossing her head back _(a perfect opportunity to slit her throat if only I had a knife handy)_ "You remember Snape but not your best friends? Maybe you fancy him!"  
I didn't indulge her stupidity with a reply.

"Gosh you're so grumpy, I preferred the old Lea!" Leila joked.

I looked at her with a disgusted expression. "I am in the middle of a crisis that has demolished my life and left me in a state of mental instability and you think that's an appropriate or comforting thing to say?" I let a little of my anger and outrage slip. I could have continued expressing my disgust, but I thought it wiser not to do so.

Leila didn't even apologise, she just sat there awkwardly twiddling her thumbs. Elise looked over at Leila and then back at me, but didn't dare to say anything more.

I got up and dressed, the air stagnant with awkwardness. Leila and Elise occasionally spoke to one another as we got ready, but neither of them dared to speak to me.

We walked down to the great hall together for breakfast and the tension eased a little. "So do you think I should take potions next year? I'm not sure because Snape really hates me…" Leila asked.

"That doesn't matter, I'm ready to bet everything I have that he won't be teaching it next year." I said, smiling to myself, feeling superior to those pathetic girls because I knew so much that they didn't.

"What makes you say that?" Elise looked at me with curiosity as she was getting to know me all over again.

"A book."

"Like a divination book? Or what?" Leila queried, totally lost.

"You could say that I suppose."

We arrived in the great hall and found Aiko waiting outside the entrance for us. I hadn't noticed the day before that she was wearing a Slytherin uniform. I only realised that she was from another house when she wasn't in our lesson after lunch.

"What took you guys so long?"

We walked in and sat down with some food. I simply had a slice of buttered toast. I gazed over at the table Harry was sitting at. He was sitting with Ron and Hermione and laughing and joking and seeming so happy. I wished I had some good friends like that, friends that I could remember, friends that I didn't want to murder.

I finished eating before the others and took off to leave. Aiko left the remainder of her breakfast and hurried after me. She grabbed my arm just as I was had left the great hall. "Lea, I need to talk to you."

I looked at her. I wanted to push her off her, she was just like the other two after all, but there was something of sincerity in her voice and in her eyes, so I let her speak.

"I want you to know that before you lost your memory, both of us believed in Harry Potter. We were like Elise and Leila before, but after what happened with Cedric, we both changed our minds. And yesterday, I know what I said was stupid, but I didn't know if I would still have a friend on my side. Plus, we never told the other two what we thought, so I couldn't say it front of them."

"Thanks Aiko." I said, smiling at her.

"And I can't imagine what you're going through, so if you ever want to talk about it, you can talk to me. You may not really know me, but I know you, so I'll know better than anyone how to help you so, just don't suffer in silence, okay?"

I smiled back at Aiko and she smiled back. I felt at ease around her, and even if I didn't remember my experiences with her, there was a sense of familiarity between us, like I could easily imagine myself being friends with her, unlike Elise and Leila. Even without saying anything I felt better about my situation knowing that there was someone I could call a friend.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was very fun to write. I'd love to hear your thoughts on her friends in a review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I made my way to my first lesson of the day; potions; without Elise and Leila. I brushed my hand against the cold stone walls as I walked down the dark dungeon stairs. When I entered the classroom I sat down at an empty desk on the far left side. As my classmates filed into the room after me, a few of they gave me dirty looks. I sat there, blanked faced, following each one of them with my cold, emotionless gaze; my face a blank canvas, much like my memory of the people who judged me.

Professor Snape walked in, his black robes billowing behind him. I took a moment to giggle (rather more loudly than I would have liked) as memories of the endless 'sexy Snape' parody videos I had watched on the internet returned to my mind briefly.

Snape looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "They told me you had lost your mind, Carver, but I had no idea it was to such a great extent."

I stifled my laughter and leant back in my chair in an attempt to act casual.

"Today we will be making a strengthening solution, now if you have done your homework, you should have no trouble doing so." Snape looked over at me as he spoke. "Begin."

I sat at my desk with my cauldron and book in front of me, plus a box of ingredients I had found in my dormitory. I flicked through the book looking for the page with the strengthening solution. Professor Snape walked past my desk and look down at me fumbling with my textbook. I ignored his judgemental looks.

I found the page and read through it before even looking back at my equipment. The first ingredient was salamander blood. I looked at my box of ingredients. There were several phials of liquids which I couldn't hope to identify. I looked for something that looked like blood and found a phial of bright red liquid. I shrugged and poured a few drops into the cauldron as the instructions had said to.

Several guessed ingredients later (how exactly was I meant to identify powdered griffin claw when I had several pots of powder in my ingredient box?) I was left with a thick, viscous, deep red mess. At the end of the class Professor Snape was walking around the class inspecting the potions. He approached my desk, saw the mess of a potion I had created and sighed.

"I would expect this level of potion making from a blind chimp." He said coldly. "You consistently presented exceptional work, Miss Carver. But this," he gestured to my potion. "This is pitiful. I expect you to spend some time reading over your textbooks and getting back up to your previous standard."

He moved on and chastised most of the other students on their poor potion making, but despite the fact that I wasn't alone in my failure, I still felt bad about it. With me it held more gravity. I was so out of my depth; the Harry Potter books do not teach you how to make potions, five years of wizarding school do. Five years of wizarding school that I did not have.

Snape dismissed us and I walked out of the classroom alone again, Elise and Leila having already left without me. I guessed that they had probably given up on me, it was clear that I wasn't interested in their friendship, and as I have previously stated; their loyalty is fickle.

I walked along the dingy corridors of the dungeons as I made my way to the stairs, when I was stopped by two girls. "So I heard you lost your memory," the girl on the left said, a tall, pretty Ravenclaw girl with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes.

"Yes," I replied. "I don't remember anything of my time at Hogwarts."

"Right, so you don't remember all the shit you did?" the other girl, a brunette girl in a Hufflepuff uniform, said in a spiteful tone.

"Uhhh," I hesitated, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. The conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn. "No."

"So," the Hufflepuff turned to her friend. "Here we have the girl who ruined our lives, totally defenceless and without a friend in the world. Huh, how interesting."

I rather stupidly backed myself into a corner and the girls moved forward, the Ravenclaw girl clutching her wand in her left hand, poised and ready to strike.

"Hey!"

The girls turned around and a blonde Hufflepuff boy was standing there holding his wand up, pointing directly at the Ravenclaw girl, his blue eyes looking almost mystical in the flickering light of the dungeon torches.

"Drop it or I'll drop you, Em."

The Ravenclaw girl put her hands up momentarily to show her surrender and slipped her wand back inside her robe. She and the Hufflepuff girl walked away, turning back briefly to glare at me.

"Thank you." I breathed, relieved.

The boy looked me up and down with a disdainful expression. "Don't thank me," he scoffed. "I didn't do that for _you_."

I gave him a puzzled and offended look. "Then why'd you do it?"

"Because it was the right thing to do. And believe me, that's the only reason."

"Do you have a problem with me?" I asked, trying not to sound hostile, but it was difficult to prevent.

"Wow, I wonder what gave you that impression." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Look, whatever I did to you and apparently most people in this school, I'm sorry. But I swear I don't remember any of it, I'm practically a different person."

"And you think that excuses you?"

I was silent, speechless.

"Just because you've changed it doesn't change what you've done. Deep down, no matter what previous version of yourself you are, there's still the potential for you to develop into the same despicable person that you were before."

"What did I _do_?" I asked, hurt and distressed, my mind reeling.

"Well speaking for myself, you tormented me. You constantly called me a 'sissy' and a 'wuss' and a, and I quote, 'gaylord Hufflepuff wet-the-bed mummy's boy'. And because of that nobody ever took me seriously. They all thought I was pathetic. Do you think _anyone_ wanted to talk to me?" He said, his hands in his pockets, his calm expression showing a tiny flicker of sadness as he recalled the insults that I had allegedly thrown at him.

"I'm sorry."

"I think if you were sorry you would've stopped after the first time."

"Well if I'm really such a monster, why wouldn't you just leave me at the mercy of those girls?"

"Because I'm not like them, or like you." His voice was stern as he spoke.

He locked his gaze on me for a few moments before walking away. I stayed where I was for a minute, cowering from my past in the corner. I slid down the wall a little and let my head rest against the cold, rough wall. I stayed there for a good two minutes, fiddling with my wand. I felt weak and defenceless, just totally useless. I wasn't a witch. I had dreamt of coming to Hogwarts and fulfilling my destiny to be a witch, like it would come naturally to me and I could be the best and be important and incredible and a _somebody_. I just didn't want to be the same pathetic nobody I was in my own world. But no matter how far you go, you can never escape yourself, can you?

* * *

By the time our lunch break came around, I found myself alone again. I had no idea where Aiko was and I didn't even want to find Elise and Leila. I sat on a low stone wall and flicked through my charms textbook. I had no idea what most of it was talking about, but I had charms after lunch, so I thought I ought to at least try and learn something.

Someone sat beside me, so I moved over slightly to make room for both of us to sit comfortably. I briefly looked up from my textbook and was taken aback when I saw it was Harry who had sat next to me.

"Hey." He said, smiling awkwardly.

I smiled awkwardly back. "Hey."

"So I noticed you were alone again and wanted to make sure you were settling in okay. I didn't really want to approach you with your, uhh, friends around."

"I'm fine, thanks." I lied. "Sorry about my friends. I don't agree with anything they said to you."

"That's okay, I could tell you didn't. Your panicked expression gave _that_ away," he laughed a little. "I get that more often than you'd think anyway." His laughter ceased and he started looking sad.

"Everyone _will_ believe you, I promise." I said, wanting to give him a re-assuring pat on the shoulder, and even raising my hand slightly to do so, before deciding against it.

"It'll be too late then, though, won't it."

"Yeah." I sighed.

We were both silent for a moment.

"Revising your charms?" Harry gestured to my textbook.

"Revising implies prior knowledge. I have no idea what I'm reading." I sighed, letting out a small chuckle. "I've been a mess in all my lessons; you should've seen my potion this morning, and I use to the term 'potion' very lightly."

"You'll get the hang of it. You just need to remind yourself of everything, you'll probably jog your memory of most of these things."

"I don't think that'll happen," I shrugged, trying to mask the pain in those words. "My situation is- more complicated than that."

"Oh, how do you mean?"

"I can't really explain it."

"Oh, okay." Harry dropped the subject. He could probably tell that I was lying, but I guess he didn't want to make me talk about something that obviously upset me. "You know if you're struggling with your classes, you should ask people for help, I don't think anyone would turn you down after everything you've been through."

"Actually I reckon they would," I said, my tone light and casual. "It seems that before the whole memory loss thing, I wasn't exactly a saint."

"Oh, well-"

"Harry, there you are!" Hermione walked over and stopped in front of Harry. "Oh, hello." She said to me, she smiled a little.

"This is Leanne, I was talking to her yesterday, she's nightie-girl."

"Oh, right," Hermione nodded. "I heard about your memory; it must be hard."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Hermione, Lea's having a lot of trouble with her lessons, maybe you could help her out a little bit, if you don't mind."

"Of course, what in particular are you having trouble with?"

"Just about everything," I shrugged. "But I don't expect you to help me, it's fine, I'll catch up."

"No, no, it's no trouble, really!" Hermione smiled. "I suppose I could help you with your spells, since they are fundamental."

"Well, I don- you don't have to- okay thanks." I rambled, feeling strange speaking to Hermione face to face.

"Excellent, how about Tuesday lunchtimes since Gryffindor and Ravenclaw have transfiguration together before that?"

"Uhh, yeah okay." I shrugged.

"Great!" she turned to Harry. "Now come on Harry, Ron's be looking everywhere for you."

Harry stood and waved back at me to say goodbye.

"It was a pleasure meeting you." Hermione remarked before the walked off.

As they left I closed my textbook and stood. I walked through the grounds to stretch my legs. I walked through a few puddles from the night's rain and let the water splash up onto my ankles. After a couple of minutes I came across Aiko. She grabbed my arm and dragged me off away from other students.

"Why did you not tell me!" she demanded when we stopped.

"Tell you what?"

"About what happened this morning! With Emilie, Anita and Sam!"

"Oh, right, that."

"Yes that! You should have told me! I swear I will murder those two!" Aiko looked at me, her eyes dark and angry. I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or terrified.

"It's fine, really."

"No it's not! Do you even remember how to defend yourself?"

"Not really, although if I were in any real peril I reckon I could probably improvise." I smiled, attempting to lighten the mood, moving away from the serious discussion.

"They would have hurt you! I can't let them get away with that!"

"Yeah but they didn't okay? That Sam guy stopped them. And anyway, from what he said I probably deserved it anyway."

"Don't say that," Aiko said strongly. "Emilie and Anita are hypocrites; they're ten times worse than you ever were."

"From the way people keep looking at me, I'm not so sure."

Aiko shook her head. "It's probably because people think you're faking the memory thing for attention."

"And that makes it so much better." I quipped sarcastically. "And what about Sam? He told me about how I used to tease him."

"I know, Lea, but you can't let this stuff get to you, or you'll end up exactly how you were."

"How did I end up like that?"

"You had trouble making friends, people thought you were annoying and avoided you. Elise and Leila were the same, so you guys became friends. You were all just bitter." Aiko recalled.

"How about you, when did you come in?"

"Leila's a family friend. I hung out with her because I didn't really know anyone else and I guess I just never had the sense to go and find any other friends." Aiko shrugged.

"Do you think I'll ever just- be normal here?" I asked, my voice soft and sad, my eyes fixed on my twiddling thumbs. I looked up at Aiko, awaiting her answer.

"We go to a magic school, Lea. There's no such thing as normal here," she said, smiling softly at me. "But seriously, Lea, the past is unchangeable, but now is whatever you make of it. I know that this is an awful situation, but it's also an opportunity. You can be better than you were, you can be brilliant. You're not the selfish, petty bitch you used to be, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner everyone else will."

I really liked Aiko. The reassurance she gave always held much more weight than I would from anyone else because she was honest. She didn't sugar coat things and she didn't speak to me as someone to be pitied. She treated me like an equal; with honesty, respect and kindness; the way a friend should.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was difficult to write. I had to do a re-write when I was halfway through! For the amount of effort I put into this I think I deserve a few reviews. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I couldn't sleep a wink that night. I lay awake mulling over recent events in my mind, but even when alone with my thoughts I couldn't find any clarity. I turned to my side and stared at the wand that lay on the bedside table. It was an ash wand with an ornately carved handle. I picked it up and held it in my right hand. The weight of it felt so right in my hand, like it had been carver specifically to fit in my grip.

Tired of lying in my bed, wide awake, I swung my legs over the side and slipped my feet into my shoes. I got up and walked silently through the dormitory and left. I left the Ravenclaw tower and glided through the corridors accompanied only by the sound of the snoring paintings. I walked on, unaided by light from my wands in order to go undetected. I followed corridor after corridor, corner after corner, feeling free to make any turn because there was no wrong one. Finally I found myself in an empty classroom; no chairs and tables or furniture of any kind. It appeared that the room, at the present time, was unused.

I lay my wand across my palms and stared at it. In my mind I revelled in the memories of all the fake wands I had carved with my dad's penknife, out of the sticks from the oak tree at the end of my garden. Somehow, even though the item I held in my hands was supposedly the real thing, I felt as though those weak, crudely carved twigs meant so much more to me.

But I continued to stare down at it, its beautiful handle enticing me to grip it. I did so and felt a spark run through my fingers, almost like a welcome home. I lifted my arm slowly, feeling uneasy. I closed my eyes and thought of my home. All the friends and family I had left behind. But I thought not of what I had lost, but rather what I had once had. The fun and happiness and the wonderful feeling of support even through the painful times. The feeling of belonging and the feeling that I was never alone.

I took a deep breath. Was I ready to attempt what I was thinking of attempting? I opened my eyes, confident from the memories of home and I uttered two words which I had learnt from a very important book; "Expecto Patronum."

I don't know what I had expected to happen, but I certainly did not expect what did. A felt a force around me as blue wisp erupted from the tip of my wand. The wisps moved towards one another and formed the shape of a wolf. The wolf walked forward and began to circle me. I smiled as I watched it walk around me.

I heard a noise from the doorway and my smile disappeared instantly, my patronus fading with it. I looked to the doorway where I saw a dark figure. I stood, motionless staring at the person.

"Sorry, if I startled you," they said. I recognised the voice. "It was truly excellent spellcasting."

They uttered the spell 'lumos' and their face came into view. It was Harry. His face looked pale in the white light and his eyes tired.

My body loosened in my relief.

"And you said that you're a mess." Harry laughed, his voice soft as he spoke quietly.

I smiled, but looked down.

"What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep," I replied. "And do I dare ask what you're doing out of bed at this ungodly hour?"

"Long story."

I looked at him, trying to work out which point of the story we were in, but it wasn't easy. His face gave little away, but his hands have away everything. He was holding his wand in his left hand. That's how I knew exactly where we were.

"Harry, tell me." I said, my eyes drifting to his right hand, which was slightly backward, out of the glow of his wand.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so desperate to know?"

I sighed. "Never mind."

I didn't know what to do with my knowledge. I wanted to ask how he was, how much his hand hurt, but how would I explain how I knew about it? Even if I could explain it, what would it even matter? I couldn't do anything, I was useless.

"Hey, show me again," Harry changed the subject, slipping his red hand into his pocket. "Show me you patronus, I wanna see it."

I smiled and conjured it again. The wolf walked around the room and circled me before circling Harry.

"Who taught you how to do that?"

"A book," I replied. "That was the first time I ever tried it actually."

"You managed it the first time?" Harry looked at me, shocked.

"Yeah, well, I think I just choose a really good memory," I said, shrugging. "Let me see yours then."

"I don't think I could, I hurt my hand."

Of course I knew that, but I needed him to tell me himself, so I persisted.

"What happened?" my patronus had faded again leaving the room dark except for the light from Harry's wand.

"Oh, nothing really-"

"Let me see."

"No, it's fine-"

"Harry." I said, frowning.

He sighed and nervously pulled his right hand from his pocket and showed it to me.

"Umbridge." I said.

"How'd you know?"

"Who else could it be but that vile woman?" I held his hand in my palms and held my now lit up wand over it. I looked up at him with a sympathetic expression. "This is- awful." And it was. It was so much worse to see the fresh, raw wounds in person. They had not yet begun to heal; the words were clear in the burning red of his blood.

"It's not that bad," Harry said, taking back his hand. "And tonight was the last night of my detention."

I had no idea what to say. There was nothing I could do that could make him feel any better. I looked him in the eyes. His green eyes now seemed bereft of life, dead and sad. He looked back into mine. I had no idea what he saw in my eyes, but if I were to guess, I would say that he saw the same.

"I know this probably won't mean much to you," I said quietly, almost a whisper. "But things will get better for you, for everyone."

"No, that means a lot to me," Harry smiled weakly. "Because even if you're wrong, at least you haven't lost hope."

"Never." I said, a wide smile spreading across my face.

* * *

The following morning I awoke in my empty dormitory. The fourth occupant (whom I had not yet spoken too) walked in and started rifling through her things. Her short, ash blonde hair looked scruffy and she was still wearing her pyjama top even though she had changed into her jeans.

"What time is it?" I asked her.

He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You're still in bed?" she spoke with a Scottish accent. "It's 12:30, you've missed breakfast. It's nearly lunchtime."

"What?" I said, shocked. "Why did nobody wake me?"

"Beats me," she shrugged. "But you'd better get a move on getting dressed; if you do down to lunch in your pyjamas you'll never hear the end of it."

I groaned and dragged myself out of bed. I reached for my phone as I normally would, but of course it was not there because it hadn't even been invented yet. I think one of the strangest things about being in this world was the lack of technology. On the previous days I had found at times that I didn't know what to do with my time if I didn't have the internet. I found myself spending a lot of time staring aimlessly out of windows or tracing patterns on things with my fingers or making up tapping rhythms with my fingers that drove the people around me mad. I wondered how on earth muggle born students would manage without technology in 2013 when internet addiction is a common problem. Perhaps by that time they would have lifted the seemingly pointless thing about technology not working in Hogwarts. Although, I doubt they would get any signal in the Scottish highlands.

"Oh!" the girl exclaimed suddenly, making me jump. "I almost forgot! Lea, do you think you can come to Quidditch practice tomorrow?"

"Quidditch practice?" I asked, dreading what would follow.

"Has no-one told you? You made the team," the girl explained. "You made it as one of our new beaters!"

"I can't even remember how to fly!" I protested.

"It's like riding a bike!" the girl chimed. "Why don't you just come along and we'll see, ey? We can't lose any more players! God, ever since the Gryffindor team got Harry Potter they just seem to get better every year. And don't get me started on the Slytherin team being 'sponsored' by the Malfoys. It's just not fair. And people don't want to join the team because they feel intimidated. We just get fewer and fewer people at the try-outs every year. And do you know what that means? Lower and lower standards. Honestly, it's an endless cycle where in the end we'll be the worst team in the history of Hogwarts."

After the girl had finished her little rant I spoke again. "What's your name again?"

"Sally Chambers."

"Okay, cool." I nodded to myself.

Sally began gathering the items she had come in for. "Sunday, 8am on the pitch," she said. "And let's not make tomorrow morning a repeat of today, we can't afford for anyone to be late, we need all the practice we can get."

* * *

I spent the majority of the Saturday reading over textbooks in the common room and being bored. I lay back in the blue armchair and closed my eyes, tired from the extensive reading of things that made little to no sense to me. I heard footsteps coming to towards me which stopped by my chair. I opened my eyes. Leila was standing there.

"Elise and I are going outside for a bit, do you want to come?" she asked, her voice sounding reluctant. It was likely that Elise had made her come and ask me.

"Not particularly." I replied plainly, turning back to my book.

"Elise told me that if you said no that I should _make_ you come with us." Leila said.

"You can't _make_ me do anything."

"Look, we don't want to lose a good friend." Leila's tone was still reluctant.

"Really? Because you don't seem particularly broken up about losing me."

"Hmm." She rolled her eyes and looked to the fire for a moment. "So are you coming or not?"

"No."

"Fine," She took her wand from her jeans pocket. "Incendio."

My textbook burst into flames and I dropped it immediately.

"What the hell?"

"Whoops." Leila smirked. "It'll be more than just your book if you don't come with us."

Defeated, I sighed and got up to leave with her.

Outside we saw Elise who was sitting by herself on a low stone wall. "You came!" she grinned and hugged me. I stood motionless as she did so, my arms pinned to my sides.

"Well, what can I say, nothing says friendship quite like setting fire to a girl's belongings." I mused sarcastically.

"Lea, what's with you?" Elise exclaimed, hurt. "Ever since you lost your memory you haven't been the same! It's like you don't want to hang out with us anymore!"

"It's not 'like' I don't want to hang with you, I just don't want to hang out with you; plain and simple."

"Lea, you're my best friend, I can't lose you," Elise said defiantly. "And so I'm going to make you become friends with us all over again!"

"No!" I snapped. "You guys are the worst people I have ever had the misfortune of knowing!"

"What are you saying?" Elise cried, faking a crack in her voice.

"I'm saying leave me alone!"

"Just leave it, Elise," Leila snarled. "She's not worth it."

"But if she leaves us," Elise said to Leila under her breath, thinking I couldn't hear. "It'll just be like two of us, because Aiko's not gunna stick around, although who even cares about her, but if it's just the two of us, we'll look like losers!"

Leila rolled her eyes and turned to me. "Look, you and Aiko just go and be happy together, I don't care. You're a fucking mental train wreck and Aiko's always been a total loser. You're both dead weight in my opinion," Leila paused for a moment in anticipation of a reaction from which never came. "You won't be missed."

"Cool." I shrugged and turned to walk away.

"No!" Elise wailed. "Don't leave us!"

"God, you're pathetic!" Leila yelled at Elise behind me.

I heard more shouts in the background, but they grew fainter and fainter as I walked away. I walked with a huge smile on my face, feeling liberated. I was finally rid of those awful people once and for all. At least I hoped I was.

* * *

**A/N: Quidditch?!1?!/? OMG!11! Please leave a review, they are my only sustenance. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I was woken abruptly on Sunday morning at 7am by Sally.

"I thought I ought to give you a wake-up call today," she whispered. "We can't have you waking up late again."

I groaned and buried my head in the covers.

"Don't even think about it!" she hissed. "You're getting up now. NOW!"

I rolled out of bed and pulled myself to my feet, swaying in my dizzy, half-awake state. I started digging through my things looking for a Quidditch uniform. I didn't find one.

"Sally!" I hissed.

She returned to the room, her toothbrush hanging from her mouth. "Whuh?" her speech was muffled and distorted as she attempted to speak with her mouth full of plastic and foam.

"I don't have a uniform."

"I's fie! I's jus prac'ice you do' nee' it."

* * *

I finally made it to the pitch with Sally at two minutes to eight. The pitch was enormous and, despite the stands being stripped to their bare structures, breath-taking. I walked forward to where our team had gathered, holding their brooms. I held my broom; a Comet 290; in my left hand.

"Okay guys, chasers need work on passing and shooting, so we'll take the far end of the pitch," the captain, Roger said, gesturing to one end of the pitch. "And keeper too, what's your name again?"

"Stephen."

"Okay Stephen, you're with us. New beater- it's Jim, right?"

A boy nodded.

"You may as well come with us and try and whack us off the pitch which should be fun." Roger looked at me. "Lea, I heard about your memory; most unfortunate. Cho's going to do some flight training with you. We'll see what you remember, shall we? I want to you all back down here in an hour to discuss." Roger looked around at us, smiling. We all stared at him, blank faced. "Well go then!"

Most of the team dispersed into the air on their brooms. I simply turned to Cho, nervously holding my broomstick. She smiled sympathetically.

"So how severe is your memory loss?" she asked, still smiling.

"I don't remember anything from my last four-and-a-bit years at Hogwarts."

"Oh." She said, but the expression she pulled said 'this is going to be harder than I thought'. "Well, uh, can you at least work out the basics for yourself?"

"Yeah sure," I said, grinning broadly, trying to make Cho's task easier. "You get on the broom and kick off the ground and zoom around and stuff."

"Close enough. Okay then let's get in the air."

I held my broomstick vertically in front of me in two hands. _I will conquer you_. I got on it, took a deep breath, and pushed myself up with my right foot. My broomstick rose above the ground slightly and I wobbled. The wobbling got worse and I toppled over onto the muddy ground.

"Oh dear." Cho said, biting her lip. She landed her broom and walked over to me.

"I'm fine, I'm good, don't worry about me." I got back onto my feet and wiped my wet palms on my jeans. "I think what I need to do, is just sort of go for it, you know?"

"Maybe that's not such a good ide-"

"Yeah I'm definitely just gunna go for it!" I said, smiling, not feeling defeated at all. "It _is_ like riding a bike. If you go too slowly you just wobble and topple over, but when you go really fast you become balanced."

"This is quite different-"

"I'm sorry, Cho, but I'm doing this. I'm doing it for all those kids whose letters never came. Who ran around their gardens on fake broomsticks that would never take off, no matter how much they willed it. I'm doing this for all of them."

"Right, um, okay…"

I squinted my eyes as I looked at the broomstick. _I'm gunna fly the fuck out of you_.

I mounted my Comet 290, took another deep breath and kicked hard off the ground. The second I rose of the ground I focused my mind and leant forward. I shot forward faster than I had expected, but I overcame the momentary loss of control and just moved in the way that felt natural to me, the way I had mimicked from the Harry Potter movies in my garden on my cheap Halloween broomstick.

I soared through the air, between the stands, up and down. Cho eventually joined me in the air and flew alongside me.

"So you can fly, huh?" she yelled over the sound of the wind.

We swerved to the right, around another stand.

"I guess so." I shouted back.

"But can you hover?"

Cho stopped abruptly in the air. I straightened my back and pulled my weight slightly backward. I held my weight tightly upwards, not slouching or allowing my centre of gravity to shift too low. I kept tight and steady, focusing only on staying up, but still letting my mind stay clear, calm and relaxed.

Cho flew a little forward to beside me where I had stopped. "Very good," she flew around and in front of me to face me. "Okay, but the big question is whether or not you'll make a good beater."

"I hope so, because flying is fun!" I laughed, feeling exhilarated.

Cho dipped down to the ground and picked up a bat and a ball. When she returned she hand me the bat. My broom dipped a little as I adjusted to using only one hand, but I managed to steady myself.

"This is not a bludger," Cho assured me. "But it's the same size and weight as one. I'm going to throw it to you, and you're going to hit it. Simple."

Cho moved a fair distance away from me and threw the ball up into the air. While the ball was in the air she drew out her wand and used it to move the ball around. She steadied the ball in front of her before flicking her wand, sending the ball flying straight in my direction.

_This is just like rounders at school, _ I thought to myself as the ball approached me. _It's fine, I'm used to this, just whack it_ I gripped the bat tighter and readied myself. _Wait, am I even good at rounders?_ My eyes widened and my muscles tensed as I was overcome by panic. _Oh, wait, I am. _I relaxed and as the ball got into close enough range, gripping the handle of my broom as tight as I could and keeping my body tight to keep in the air, I swung the bat right at the ball and it went flying off. I sighed in relief and smiled to myself.

Cho waved her wand and ball came floating back to her. "Not bad. Now let's see you aim!" she yelled across the pitch.

She led me over to a position directly in front of the hoops. She hovered away from me at an angle. "You see the ball may come at you from one place, and you'll have to hit it to another. You can face whatever direction feels most natural to you, just as long as you can get it through that central hoop."

I turned to a comfortable direction, mostly facing Cho but slightly turned in the direction of the hoops. She flicked her hand and the ball came flying at me. I swung and the ball flew pretty much behind me, nowhere near the hoops.

"Okay, let's try that again." Cho said.

Again she made the ball come flying at me and I swung again, but didn't let my broom turn with me as I did so, and the ball _just_ made it through the centre hoop. "YES!" I screamed.

After a few more tries we all returned to the ground (my landing was a little bumpy) and gathered.

"Well on our side of the pitch, we have learned that teamwork only works if you COMMUNICATE!" Roger yelled, looking over at the other chaser whose name I didn't know.

The chaser shrunk into his shoulders. "I don't like talking when I'm flying."

Roger slapped his own forehead with a flat palm. "Ugh," he grumbled. "Please tell me you've had better luck, Chang?"

"Well, either she's remembered a great deal or she's just a natural, but at this rate she'll be more than good enough the beat Hufflepuff by the first match." Cho reported.

"Beat Hufflepuff?" Roger repeated, clarifying to himself. "Well that's something I suppose. Let's hope we can all be good enough to take on Slytherin by the 2nd match, and I don't even want to think about Gryffindor."

* * *

After practice I walked back to the common room with Sally. We walked at a leisurely pace over the grass, shivering as the nippy October breeze passed us by.

"Well I'm glad I talked you into coming to practice." Sally mused.

"I'm glad I came," I agreed. "Flying is awesome."

"I saw you fall off your broom at first. It was hilarious; I laughed so hard I nearly dropped the quaffle." Sally said, chuckling. "But then I saw you get up there and fly properly, you were great."

"Yeah well I just went it, you know?" I grinned. "I was just like 'YOLO' and took off."

"What?" Sally asked, puzzled, but still with an amused smile on her face.

I quickly realised my mistake. "Oh, right. 'YOLO' is phrase, an acronym. It stands for 'you only live once' and you should never ever say it unless you're saying it ironically."

"Okay…" Sally nodded, smiling and looking at me as if I were mad.

In the common room we parted ways and I found myself at a loss of what do with my time. There weren't many people in the common room at that time of the morning; I assumed most of them had gone to breakfast. The few people that were there were either the early risers who had already had their breakfast or the late risers who were looking dishevelled and quite frankly un-dead.

I sighed a collapsed into an armchair by the window. The grey clouds cast a shadow over the castle and everything appeared grey and colourless. I watched as owls flew past the window with letters and small parcels in their beaks.

I heard a door open and turned my head to see Elise walk through it alone. She and I looked at one another for a brief moment before Elise walked away towards the dormitories.

I spent some time with my thoughts and memories. I remembered aspects of my life before Hogwarts, but everything seemed distant. It was like my past life was the fiction and what I was living now was the only reality.

I still wasn't exactly sure how I felt about my situation, and still had no idea how to put it into words. I had gotten over the initial panic, but the sadness and longing for home remained. But at the same time I was having fun; I think flying was the most exciting experience of my entire life, and I wouldn't trade it. But still, it was far from the perfect fantasy I had imagined it to be. For one thing I was pretty much useless; not the powerful witch I had always wanted to be. Plus I had been having a lot of trouble with people and friendships.

So really, looking back at my real life, was this much different? People didn't like me much at school because I came off as rude, and I suppose at times my friends and I could be a little judgemental. I mean, if I looked back at my real life; I spent much of my time with my two very close friends bitching about our classmates and making snarky comments; it seems entirely possible that in Hogwarts I could become friends with Elise and Leila.

I suppose it was easy for me to judge Elise and Leila as rude because in this case I was an outsider in the situation. When I was living my real life I was a part of it all which made it harder to distinguish between right and wrong, bitchy or justified. But the more detached I felt from my real life, the more I could look back and see myself for what I truly was; a bitch.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took so long; I've had a very busy week. Hope you enjoyed. Reviews appreciated.**


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